She's got it better than I do.

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She's got it better than I do.

Comparing ourselves to others.

In the video below I talk about 5 points as they relate to comparing ourselves to others.

  • We often compare the worst of ourselves to the best in others.

  • Comparing with judgement vs. curiosity 

  • There's no competition because no one brings what YOU can bring 

  • Sharing the load is magical

  • Of course it's overwhelming trying to "keep up" with them & their process.

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Wake up lil' darling.

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Wake up lil' darling.

You wake up in the morning and what is the first thing you consistently do? 

Hit snooze? 

Go to the bathroom? 

Check Facebook? 

Think, "Damn, my breath is rank?"

I hear stories of how people cannot get out of their homes on time and they frequently have all sorts of things and people to blame... but in reality it's a broken system (and systems are fixable which means they are controllable... and this is good news.)

I am not going to pitch some perfect morning routine to you, because my perfection may be your hell. Your ideal morning may be completely wrong for me. I am a total advocate for treating each other as individuals and not templates. 

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Band Aids

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Band Aids

A little kid is running on the concrete, eats shit, and scraps up his knees.

It's pretty bad and looks nasty. He's begging for a band aid. You know it's a cover up and in a few minutes the pain will catch up with him. He needs to have it cleaned out and treated, but all he sees is the scrapes and he's begging for that band aid. 

Another child on the other side of the world is barfing his brains out, basically mom and kiddo are living at the toilet. He asks for a band aid. Mom KNOWS the cover up will help for a few minutes, but this problem cannot be solved (long term) with a band aid.  

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My most vulnerable message yet.

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My most vulnerable message yet.

Welcome to my most vulnerable post ever...

One year ago, this is what I wrote in my journal.

From my heart...

My heart is feeling much more hopeful today. The part that speaks out now is the part craving balance. She feels so much and SO deeply. She is grateful to feel She is happy to have the awareness. 

But the extremes... they are so exhausting. She didn't do much work in life up until now. The WHOLE chose to suppress feelings. Being upset was not okay. Sadness was wrong. Anger? Good luck. Happiness was tolerated as long as it was portrayed "correctly". 

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I'll go postal.

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I'll go postal.

I was driving down a country road the other day having plenty of time to think.

Turns out when traffic has been almost eliminated from life I'm able to think about all sorts of things.

Space that used to be filled with traffic dodging and route choosing can be used in miraculous ways...

(Or, if I'm being honest, much of that space is filled with ridiculous thoughts that make me laugh to myself.)

Back to the point... 

I was driving and wondering, "What makes me good at eradicating overwhelm? Am I naturally better able to cope with that feeling of drowning in the junk? I don't think I am. Actually, I am the exact opposite of that."

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Take that hideous dress off.

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Take that hideous dress off.

No, I'm not trying to get you naked.

I'm not some creeper on the internet who has groomed you to be preyed upon.

 

I am someone who had to learn to disrobe from what was holding me back
and drape myself in beauty, love, and kindness. 

 

I know it's my purpose to help women do the same.

I used to hide myself from the world (including me.) 

I piled on obligations, responsibilities, duties, labels, tasks, and dysfunctional relationships. 

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Spinning the bad into good.

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Spinning the bad into good.

Recently I made a big (especially for me) move to Dallas, Texas. And while that is definitely a story, it's for another time. 

While unpacking and organizing our belongings, I came across an "All About Me" book that I made when I was 5 years old. It had an amazing picture that I drew of my family. I left the page about pets blank because we didn't have one. I wrote that my favorite color was pink even though I don't think my favorite color actually was pink but that I believed it was supposed to be pink 'cause, you know, society. 

And then there were poignant feelings in this little autobiography summing up much of my life in their simple pages.

Towards the end of the book of ME I answered that what makes me smile was when my little brother was born. (Awwwwww!!) I didn't even know how epic my Boo Radley was going to be! I was an intuitive 5 year old.

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"I" am a "We".

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"I" am a "We".

He tells me our future is up to me.


Here:
I am happy. 
He is not.

There:
He is certain.
I am not. 

Here:
No hope for the life dreamed of.

There:
Nothing but hope for the life desired.

 

Decision made.

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It's not fair. Part 2

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It's not fair. Part 2

Based on a handful of interactions I have had over the last few weeks I want to remind you (and of course ME) of the dangers of comparing ourselves to others.
 

When I have it “better” than them.


It's never been my cup of tea
to compare my life to those who's appear
to have an existence more difficult than my reality.  


I was 7 years old the first time I remember thinking, “Life isn’t fair. Why do I get to have all of this and be born into this situation while those kids were born into that situation?” Yep. I was 7 years old with abundance guilt.

Fast forward to my adult life where I tended to “feel bad” for not being 100% content with life how it is because while I saw that it could be better, I also knew that it could be a hell of a lot worse.

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It's not fair. Part 1

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It's not fair. Part 1

Based on a handful of interactions I have had over the last few weeks I want to remind you (and of course ME) of the dangers of comparing ourselves to others.

When they have it “better” than me.

We scroll through our Social Media feed seeing the posts of our friends near and far. We get to see what they are up to. We get a glimpse into their lives. They can share their accomplishments, their celebrations, their mundane activities. We see weddings, babies, vacations, lifestyles.

And then we live our own life. Yes it also has accomplishments and celebrations. But our mundane tasks seem so much more boring. Our lives are littered with mistakes, problems, issues, and conflict.

Looking at the life of someone else, it may be easy to compare yourself to them. Sometimes it feels automatic and uncontrollable. And with this tendency to compare, I want to make one thing very clear…

You are not comparing your life to their life.

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A page straight from my journal.

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A page straight from my journal.

(an act of vulnerability... but I did correct some spelling errors.)

Writing from a part of my heart rather then my head.

It feels like a piece separate from the rest. 


She can see the rest. She knows it is there. Wants to be a part of The Whole. 

Sometimes, on the good and optimistic days, she thinks she might already be part of one.

On those good days, in those optimistic times, she can see she has always been and always will be a vital cog in the machine she calls "The Whole." Without her there would be no heart at all. There would just be floating parts. Without her it would all collapse. 

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An energy efficient mind.

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An energy efficient mind.

I was doing my (almost) daily personal writing when I had a flood of memories about decisions expressed that in turn made my life easier.

Epic & life changing? Not really... definitely easier though.  

Perhaps those seemingly "small" decisions make room for the life shakers. Spending less energy on the more trivial choices at hand cannot be a bad thing.
 

One such memory: 

My cousin and I used to hang out quite a bit. For some reason we have lost that lately which is stupid because we both reside to Southern California and live about the same distance away from one another as when we were in Utah. We have recently verbally reprimanded ourselves (and for some reason it was deemed more my fault than his... but this is beside the point.) 

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NOT a promise.

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NOT a promise.

A connection having nothing to do with anything but us.

An automatic love for anyone you love

                              (& even more for those who love you.)

A sigh of relief knowing that you are taken care of.

A joy in knowing you've got this & you're doing your best

                              (& that's always good enough.)

A friendship that goes beyond logic.

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Sometimes it happens.

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Sometimes it happens.

Sometimes you have a friend that is amazing, talented, and every positive adjective that can be thought of. Sometimes that friend comes and visits you on a vacation. Sometimes your friend uses her time to sit at a café with you and talk through a bunch of important junk that's blocking your progress. Sometimes she has profound ideas that she creates from the random story you just told her. And sometimes she says ridiculous things so you remember that you are you and she is her. And sometimes you wonder if the 2 of you will ever run out of things to say to one another. 

Sometimes you love her so much you want to punch her in the face to balance out your emotions. 

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Feel like life's one long traffic jam?

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Feel like life's one long traffic jam?

I was driving home from my new HIIT workout program. There was a bit of traffic (that happens sometimes in Los Angeles.) I had my window down because the weather was perfection. I looked to my left and realized I was at a standstill overlooking a beautiful view. I soaked it all in.
 

I felt a jolt of joy. 

Total satisfaction in my life. 

Completely complete.

 

A true realization that my entire life is brand new. 

An acknowledgement of how amazing & abundant my world is. 

A surrendering that events are lining up as needed.

An understanding that the world is as I view it.
 

And it's magic. 

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I’m FREAKING out!

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I’m FREAKING out!

In the past I have been the type of person who had spectacular ideas…

FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

I am not kidding, I can brainstorm regarding just about any venture and come up with unique services and surprising features that could be created & offered.

ALL DAY. 

And the better I know a person, the more epic my notes become.

 

But I struggle, labor, toil, and fight to have ideas for ME... just to come up empty handed. (Sad Face...)

BLOCKING myself from progression and success.

And then... suddenly... out of know where...I had one minuscule idea while on a flight to Dallas.

AND I RAN WITH IT.

Fast Forward to the present...

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

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Will there be an excuse for this one too?

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Will there be an excuse for this one too?

If I learn you learn. 

You're welcome.

In all honesty, sometimes we need some help getting out of our own way. And I have discovered another trick that may be helpful in moving passed a block that is commonly seen in the form of excuse making. 

Where in your life are you making excuses? 

(No shame in my game. I do it too... there's a reason I identify these exercises. It is because I need them.)   

Think of "The Thing" that you want to be, do, or have.

Something that you say you want, but you have surrounded yourself with a bunch of "reasons" that it isn't going to work out. 

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Just stop trying. I did.

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Just stop trying. I did.

I want to make my stance on this term “trying” clearly and firmly.

I abhor the overuse of the word “try”.

Telling me you will “try to make it” to a gathering is the same as telling me, “When the time comes I will decide if something better has come along. And something better might mean sitting at home alone.”

I would much rather the response, “I am not sure what my week is going to be like. I don’t know if I will have the energy to be good company. Can I let you know the day of, or do you need an answer now?” And if I need an answer now, that answer can and could/should be “No” rather than a vague attempt at possibly maybe committing that you might show up. A “No” is also superior to a “yes” that turns into a sellout.

Be honest. “I will try” does not feel completely honest to me.

A promise of “trying” leaves room for so many excuses it makes me want to scream.

A promise of “I’ll try my best” is completely worthless to me.

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In small ways your life can become EPIC.

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In small ways your life can become EPIC.

It had been almost an entire week and my life's adventures consisted of my morning workouts at the YMCA (with Club AARP, as my biscuit calls it), daily trips to check the mail, and the occasional jaunt to 7-11 a block away. 

Epic life, right?

Such is my life when I am in "Get Sh** Done" mode.

 

Luckily for my man, I do take showers most every day and I even usually wear real life regular clothes.

But it was at that moment, I realized my "Epic Life" wasn't actually feeling Epic.

(even though my life is ridiculously amazing... getting stuck in a routine is boring and mundane even if the routine is governed by me.)

It was in this glimpse that my mid day dance parties with myself began.

I needed a reminder that there was more to me than looking at a screen. That I am fun and I have energy and I like to boogie!

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