There is a giant decision to be made.
It is epic.
It is life changing.
It is a mover and a shaker of a decision.
You need input. You crave suggestions.
You are addicted to obtaining the thoughts and ideas of others.
You slap your vein a few times to prepare and then call that person.
That person that loves you.
Your go to guide to all things decision making.
I don’t care if it is your mother, best friend, or sibling.
If they love you they automatically have an emotional connection to the decision that you will ultimately make.
And this makes any input they give 100% bias.
The more the person loves you, the more I am telling you it is a bad idea to go to them for real suggestions.
Yes, they mean well. (But remember that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)
Yes, they want the best for you. (“The best” meaning what they have defined as your best interest from their point of view and not necessarily your own personal vision.)
Yes, they have had experiences and believe that means they have your solution. (But in reality they have THEIR solution, the one they wish they would have chosen or perhaps they just want you on the same road they are… because they love you and want to hang out with you.)
I do believe that some parents, friends, and other loved ones can give input that may be helpful…
but that advice will always be laced with a bias.
And so much of the time we already know what our loved one wants us to pick.
So now if I choose B instead of A I also have to break the news.
“I know you love me a lot. And thank you so much for your input. I value it a great deal. But I am going to go ahead and disregard all of that and do this other thing that you are opposed to. Cool? Love you!”
Chances are it is not going to ruin your relationship if you have genuine love for one another,
but it could be kinda awkward.
It could result in some hurt feelings. But mostly it feels like a whole lotta wasted time to me.
I am not going to leave you with a “Don’t”
so here is a “Do”…
For those who cannot go cold turkey on going it alone. Here is your patch to ween off of your addiction.
1. Find the person that loves you and also really, truly, attempts to be as unbiased at possible in your processes. Use this person as a sounding board.
2. Tell this helpful person (that you love) that you are not looking for input or advice at this time but would like to make sure that your line of thinking makes sense.
3. Begin, “Here is what I am thinking. I plan to choose _____ and here are the reasons why. I do not want to choose _____ and here are the reasons why. Does this make sense?"
Allow them to ask clarifying questions but do not allow them to muddy your thoughts with their “well intended” advice.