Last week I was feeling a bit... off.
I wanted to sleep until 10AM. I was not down for the gym. The prospect of putting on makeup was daunting. I went about my life in an obligatory mode of autopilot. I was bored.
I decided it was best to just go with what I was feeling. I slept until 10AM. I didn't go to the gym. I didn't put on makeup. And I accomplished only the "necessary" items.
While I was happy to let my body and mind rest, this is not a state I feel happy, pleasant, or at ease in. And I had absolutely no idea how to shake myself out of it. Simple willpower was not doing it for me.
"WILL POWER" WAS MISSING.
IT HAD ITS FACE ON A MILK CARTON TYPE OF MISSING.
(*side note: Do you remember that book called "The Face on the Milk Carton"? I loved that book. And then Lifetime created a made for TV movie... it was not good.)
Back to my boring demeanor and negative attitude that was last week...
While in a conversation with my love that was no doubt some sort of projection of my current block, I suddenly had the realization of where all of the "blah" was stemming from.
That is when the panic set in.
I am not sure why PANIC was my go to response.
I can only think of one other time that I had a reaction so strong. It involved the hospital ER, large needles, and serious pain. You know, something that actually warranted a degree of panic.
So what was the realization that caused my hyperventilation?
"Nothing I do is good enough."
What an extreme message to send to myself!
Putting forth incredible amounts of energy into the various aspects of life and I felt completely stagnant. It seemed as if no matter how much effort I put forth I would never get off the plateau.
Lucky for me, my love is the best there ever was (for realsies.)
After allowing me time to calm the eff down in the kindest way ever, he urged me to focus on the positive. We discussed all of the ways that I have progressed.
The goals I've accomplished.
The people that I've helped.
The ideas that I've brought to life & form.
The ways my body & mind have changed as I complete the fitness program I committed to.
The relationships that have flourished.
He lovingly forced me into having to come to another realization... the message that I was giving to myself was 100% completely a lie.
This lingering block that ‘nothing I do is good enough’ is untrue and will never serve me in any positive way.
PANIC turned into RELIEF turned into MOTIVATION.
And this was done with kindness & love.
For me there is no other way that something awful can become something beautiful.
Kindness and love.
From others, yes.
From yourself, YES!
TALK TO ME.
COMMENT BELOW AND LET ME KNOW...
What kinds of lies have you told yourself?
Have you ever had a freak out moment or breaking point?