Part 1 OF 2
Based on a handful of interactions I have had over the last few weeks I want to remind you (and of course ME) of the dangers of comparing ourselves to others.
When they have it “better” than me.
We scroll through our Social Media feed seeing the posts of our friends near and far. We get to see what they are up to. We get a glimpse into their lives. They can share their accomplishments, their celebrations, their mundane activities. We see weddings, babies, vacations, lifestyles.
And then we live our own life. Yes it also has accomplishments and celebrations. But our mundane tasks seem so much more boring. Our lives are littered with mistakes, problems, issues, and conflict.
Looking at the life of someone else, it may be easy to compare yourself to them. Sometimes it feels automatic and uncontrollable. And with this tendency to compare, I want to make one thing very clear…
You are not comparing your life to their life.
You are comparing your reality to how the other chooses to market their life. (Whether it's conscious or unconscious.)
For many women I know, this comparing game brings them down. It makes them feel unworthy. They see themselves as less than.
And that is NOT okay with me.
A short story representation:
Recently I participated in a camp to lose 20 lbs in 6 weeks. For The Camp I was required to check in each workout. As I weighed in each week the trainer would take a photo of my success, post it online, and tag me in it so that it was seen by all the world on my timeline.
A friend of mine living in another state sent me a message saying that she was participating in a similar contest and asked about my success which she saw via those Facebook check-ins and photo tags. I was happy to share with her what I was doing to make my way.
As my 20 in 42 transformation ended I was able to lose the required amount to get my deposit back. I was elated.
A few weeks later I spoke with the same friend. She mentioned that there were times she was envious of my success and while she also felt a bit inspired, she was also jealous because she was putting in so much work and the scale wasn’t moving as quickly.
I calmly requested, “Please do not compare yourself to my wins. Because that is all you are seeing. I didn’t post anything about the 12 week program I did prior to this one where I didn’t lose a single ounce.” (Because that is 100% true and it was extremely frustrating to say the least.)
Their best vs. my worst
For some reason it seems that many of us look at the worst of ourselves and compare it to the best in someone else. Doesn’t that sound crazy? But it’s done all the time!
Jealous feelings may come up, and no, I don't want you to shove them down deep and pretend they're not there.
I DO want you to:
Be aware & take notice of what it is you're actually comparing & are envious of.
Be happy for the other person & their success (or whatever it happens to be) in the most genuine way.
Be curious & ask yourself what it is about the situation that you are wanting in your own life? Do you really want that or just to be seen as such? Maybe you just want what you imagine that FEELS like? What version actually fits for your life, goals, & mission?
Be proactive & if possible, do what my friend did, ask the person about it. You may get some insight, advice, or realize you don’t want what they’ve got at all!
Have you ever been like, “Oh they get to have all that! I’m jealous!”
And then later realize, “Ew… they have to deal with all of that… nevermind, I’m cool.”
(I've totally done that before.)
I've yet to meet a person that I would want to trade “problems” with. (Not once I really know what their “problems” are.)
As for me…
For now I am going to applaud others for their amazingness. I aspire to support through the stupid stuff in appropriate ways. I will remember that they are working towards THEIR life purpose while I move towards mine… and those are most certainly different missions with many paths that can be taken to get to our individualized destinations.
TALK TO ME.
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